I needed a reminder

I have been talking to quite a few people lately about the idea of living a good story (insert Donald Miller and Bob Goff quotes here...because they are all amazing and I just don't have the time to copy the books they have written into this space). I LOVE the thought of living a good story. One with adventure. And excitement. And generosity. And courage. And so much love. WHO DOESN'T? My husband talks incessantly about movies like ' Braveheart' and 'Gladiator' and even 'The Secret Life of Walter Mitty' (which I'm sorry to say I fell asleep in the middle of and will not stop being bothered by so many people in my world until I watch the thing...until the end. Why do movies have to be so long anyway?) 

And of course, all of this good-story talk has led me to evaluate my life, past and present. The truth is (because I can be a selfish and present-centered girl at times) I tend to look at what I'm doing day to day and see a life of dishes, kitchen cleaning (why is it dirty again the minute I walk into any other room of the house????) running the kids to events and other uninspiring tasks. Sometimes I lay in bed at the end of the day and wonder where the day went and if I was productive for even a second of it. And the last couple of days I came to the realization...we usually don't get to see stories happen on day to day basis, I guess unless you're Jack Bauer, and then every minute of your life is spent saving the good people of LA...and sometimes the president. 

And most amazing stories don't look so amazing in the present time! I think that's why God says 'Remember' a lot to us. Because He has done so many things with and through us but a lot of times we have to look back to see. 

Being a year out of my daughter, Lanie's double transplant has caused me to look back a lot. And to remember. And not just about the last year, but in general. 

Like the time I was 'asked to leave' a university after only being there for a day shy of three weeks and ended up in a small Iowa city I honestly couldn't pronounce the name of at first. Also, let it be known that Texas geography can use some help and the whole trip up to Iowa I thought I was moving to Idaho. In that small Iowa town I found Jesus. And who I really was. And met people that would mold and shape my life even to this present day. Wow. God's sovereignty is real. 

And also like the time Luke and I were shocked when the day we graduated college there were no phone calls with people begging for us to come and work for them with our newly held degrees. I mean, the nerve. We were valued college graduates ready to make our mark on the world whole by accepting offers from high paying companies with plenty of benefits. Apparently that's not how things work. Fortunately for us Luke's family had a drivable camper that we could live in for a few months until we figured out what we wanted to do in life...in his parents yard. Because...Missouri. Our two years in Missouri were a huge blessing by the way, where good story after good story intertwined and God's provision reigned. 

And the time we had a baby boy and 15 months later a baby girl. And we had no idea what to do as parents. I can't believe the hundreds of times we could have killed them...not figuratively. Literally. We are clumsy and unaware. It's a miracle we have stayed alive as long as we have. 

And then when the sweet doctor came into our hospital room a day after Alaina was born and told us her heart was struggling a little, as was her liver, but he felt as though it was nothing serious, just something to be watched. 

And when Lanie was 10 days old and we brought her to the University of Iowa and she was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis. A month later, Jackson was also diagnosed. Something close to two days later I freaked out and determined that there's no way I could have any more kids and bring them into a world of sickness and disease and we made too many decisions out of fear and uncertainty. 

And then when God held me for a whole year after Lanie was born while I dove quickly and deeply into despair and hopelessness. And even in the midst of that darkness...God's voice and love was real and encompassing. 

And then I remembered the time our sweet family and friends gathered around us in Sumner and fasted and prayed for 40 days. And the miracles God performed over that year. Both kids were taken off their CF meds and vests and put on a trial period to see how they would do on their own. You guys. No lie. That was in November of 2009 and they have NEVER been put back on. God is healer! CF is an incurable disease...except it's not! Because God is who He says He is

And all of the hospital stays and stories that came out of those. Our hospital times aren't remembered as lonely or desperate. Sure. There are peppered sections of frustration and anxiety and sadness. But that's not how they look as a whole. They Are Beautiful. And full of people I love and treasure and of God showing Himself in ways that I didn't understand before. 

And also of the times I felt lost, or alone, or made decisions based solely on emotion or selfishness (and there were plenty of those) and how God loved and protected and comforted and also disciplined. 

Stories are made in our lives everyday. 

But not because of us or who we are or what we try to do, but because of God. All of my stories begin and end with Him and what He's already doing in and around me. 

The truth is that God makes awesome stories and we get to be a part of them. When I try and figure out how my life can be an epic story, I fail. I grumble when I see monotony and feel like I'm missing out on everything that involves action and justice and just pure awesomeness. But when I walk with Him, I get to see my life differently. For the adventure and gift that it is...even if sometimes I have to take the time to sit back and remember.