The other night we had a business meeting at church. It sounds terrible, but actually it was pretty great. About 200 of us came together to worship and dream and pray. Those are the kinds of business meetings you want to make sure and attend.
I have a homeless friend who hopped a bus from downtown to also attend this meeting. I'm not sure why honestly. Maybe he just wanted to be a part of something outside of his circumstance. Maybe he was just interested in what it would be like. Or maybe he was hoping someone would grab him some dinner or hand him some money. I honestly don't think that the reason matters that much.
He sat by me in the very front row of the meeting. When we worshipped, he worshipped also. When we listened, he did as well. He wasn't a spectator. He was engaged.
Part of the meeting, well a lot of the meeting actually, was spent sharing dreams and talking about land and blueprints for a church building. My church has been meeting in a local hotel since it started in 2010. The hotel is beautiful and fits us well but it's not maybe as practical as people would like. And sometimes the service changes locations to another hotel because those dates were already booked by someone, and that can get confusing. It's also very expensive.
I sat by my friend and listened. The church staff and elders talked about the vision for the church and for the new building. They talked about what it could look like. And of course they also talked about the financial aspect of it. One of the church leaders stated how much we have in a building account to get started. It was a very large sum of money by anyone's standards. And the thought of all of that money started to wreck me.
Here I was sitting by my sweet homeless friend, layered in coats, listening. And I got mad. I thought about how he was probably feeling bitter because after this meeting he was going to sleep on the streets downtown. He had real and tangible needs. Needs that could actually be met. He told me one time that he doesn't know if he wants a place to live even, but warm clothes, good shoes and friends were all important to him. And as I sat and listened to the dreams for this new church I felt the disconnect. You guys...I don't think building the new church is wrong. I completely and totally believe in our pastor and elder team. I know how much they love Jesus and seek Him in their decisions. But sitting in that chair by my friend, the disconnect has never hit me harder. And I didn't know how to reconcile it.
I found myself feeling bitter on my friend's behalf. Feeling the injustice of our world and wanting to figure out how to change things. The pastor gave us all time to pray over the dreams and decisions that were being made. I turned to my friend to pray with him and before we prayed he said "what if the church turned in cans? There's a lot of people here and if everyone turned in cans, you could make a lot of money". I was completely flabbergasted. I was about to apologize for all of the injustices in the world and instead my friend, with no bitterness or discontent, offered suggestions in the efforts of fundraising. We prayed. Well, mostly Luke prayed because I was fairly out of commission with the words at that point.
After prayer, the group worshipped. We thanked God for how he provides and for his goodness and beauty. We thanked Him for so many things. And I cried.
I don't understand the world. I try to. And sometimes I think I do. I encourage others all the time to find joy apart from their circumstance. To trust God. But in this room, I didn't understand how that could happen. How could someone who lived on the streets in cold Iowa winters offer fundraising help and keep himself from bitterness? My honest answer is that I don't know.
I was trying to process this with Luke recently. I usually need a sounding board so that my thoughts don't get so jumbled in my head and l can actually understand myself. I was telling him about all of this and he asked me what I was actually frustrated about. As I thought about that question, I realized I wasn't mad that the church was in the process of building. I wasn't frustrated even about my friend hearing about it. What I think I was really upset about is the idea of injustice as a whole. I was over generalizing the idea of prosperity and the idea of homelessness. But in reality, that isn't even true.
My friend attends church every Sunday. He also attends our Thursday night college ministry and receives money and food from the college students just because he's there. Sometimes he sleeps over at our friends' house and he has phone numbers of people in the church that he feels connected to. He has community. And he has needs that are being met. Luke was saying that maybe my friend wasn't mad or bitter because he sees the building as a good thing. And because money going to a building doesn't take away money and resources that are being used to help him. He sees no disconnect. He doesn't see our church for what it is or does on Sunday mornings. He sees people who take care of him and treat him like he's a human with emotions and needs and dreams and desires. He sees the church because it's entered into his life in an incredibly real way. I think that he sees Jesus because people are personally showing him what Jesus looks like.
Luke also asked me the sweet question of why am I writing this...he's just a doll, isn't he. I in no way was annoyed by this question. But when I got over my 'annoyance' and thought about it, the reason is because I want us to remember the point of the gospel. I want to remember that injustice will always be and the poor will always be with us. I don't think that's an excuses to become apathetic to it, but actually think the opposite. I think it should break our hearts and we should care, but I think the caring looks different than we may think. Although inviting people to church is good and awesome and truth will be heard, I think that most 'ministry' happens in our lives. In our choices of how we deal with people around us and by asking God how to look more like Him and then by actually DOING IT. It creates more responsibility for you and me and not on the generalization of church as a whole. And I think that people really will know us by our love and that small obedient choices may actually make a bigger impact than we think. Because obedience is amazing and fruitful.
Today I feel thankful for a church that loves people well. And for a guy who sees past sucky circumstances. And for God's heart that heals and provides for things I can't even see.
