Today marks Day 31 of the Whole30.
Most people would be flipping out and drinking PSL's and eating a cupcake. Or
something like that. Well, I guess even if I were celebrating in that way I
couldn't have either of those things because my body can be super annoying. It
hates dairy and wheat. Oh and beans. And I'm allergic to bananas. Because why
wouldn't I be? I'm just a low maintenance sort of gal, I guess. Ugh. Yeah
right. Maybe in every other area of my life.
Back to the whole30 though. Have
y'all heard of it? It kind of goes like this... (Taken from http://whole30.com)
"No: Avoid for 30 days.
·
Do not
consume added sugar of any kind, real or artificial. No maple syrup, honey, agave nectar, coconut sugar,
Splenda, Equal, Nutrasweet, xylitol, stevia, etc. Read your labels, because
companies sneak sugar into products in ways you might not recognize.
·
Do not
consume alcohol in any form, not even for cooking.
·
Do not eat
grains. This includes wheat, rye,
barley, oats, corn, rice, millet, bulgur, sorghum, amaranth, buckwheat,
sprouted grains and all of those gluten-free pseudo-grains like quinoa. This
also includes all the ways we add wheat, corn and rice into our foods in the
form of bran, germ, starch and so on.
·
Do not eat
legumes. This includes beans of all
kinds (black, red, pinto, navy, white, kidney, lima, fava, etc.), peas,
chickpeas, lentils, and peanuts. No peanut butter, either. This also includes
all forms of soy – soy sauce, miso, tofu, tempeh, edamame, and all the ways we
sneak soy into foods (like lecithin).
·
Do not eat dairy. This includes cow,
goat or sheep’s milk products such as cream, cheese (hard or soft), kefir,
yogurt (even Greek), and sour cream
·
Do not
consume carrageenan, MSG or sulfites
·
Do not try
to re-create baked goods, junk foods, or treats* with “approved”
ingredients. Continuing to eat your old,
unhealthy foods made with Whole30 ingredients is totally missing the
point, and will tank your results faster than you can say.
·
One last and final rule: You
are not allowed to step on the scale or take any body measurements for the
duration of the program. This is about so much more than just weight
loss, and to focus on your body composition means you’ll miss out on the most dramatic
and lifelong benefits this plan has to offer. So, no weighing yourself,
analyzing body fat or taking comparative measurements during your Whole30. (We
do encourage you to weigh yourself before and after, however, so you can see
one of the more tangible results of your efforts when your program is over.)
So that's intense, right?!? This is
my 5th time doing it. Sort of. My first one started in November of last year.
And during that 30 days, my family went to Disney. Yeah. I obviously didn't
make it. And then I thought about starting again in December. And then Luke and
I went to Mexico. C'mon you guys. Have you ever had food or drink in Mexico? At
a resort? Ok then. Failure #2. And then started again January 1st. And made it
all the way until January 17. My birthday. And my husband, because he says he
loves me, talked me into having a drink with him. Failure #3. Number 4 happened
in April. A month or so before our family was about to leave for Hawaii. (This
was a crazy year and I promise we aren't jet-setters who travel the world
frolicking in our sun hats and living fancy and what not. It just kind of
happened to be like that last year). Anyway, Luke did it with me. Again. Like
almost every other time and we were both super bored by week 2. So like anyone
else would do. We quit. Four solid times of giving up and quitting and making
excuses about why I can't do something so incredibly hard.
I don't think quitting is the real
issue here. I think the real issue is me. And the way I think about a lot of
things. I've struggled with issues involving food for a really long time. And
maybe I'll talk about that in depth another time. But really, food isn’t even
the issue. I mean, it was a driving part or circumstance but really, the way I
viewed myself. And my life. And my thoughts. And my view of God. Those were the
real issues. And, believe me, I sought freedom from God for all of those things
friends, but honestly didn't know how to find it. I knew that I had been set
free in general. But I guess that I thought all of these other things might
just decide to hang on for life. And I was beginning to be okay with that.
And then I talked to my sweet little
friend Rachel this summer. And we were talking about how I still feel bad
physically a lot and how I MOSTLY stick to clean eating (hahahahaha). And she
told me about this friend of hers who has some of the same autoimmune disorders
I do. And how this friend of hers committed herself to 2 months to strict
eating. And how amazing she felt. I made a decision then and there. I could do
the same. Feeling bad all of the time SUCKS you guys. So I picked a date on the
calendar. August 10. Exactly 2 months away from the date that 9 other
people and I committed to run the Tough Mudder together. Because were dumb.
And because if I'm going to run this race, my body needs to feel good. I
mobilized everyone I know to join me. In the race and in the whole30. I don't
know how or why, but they did! So August 10, Luke and 4 other of my friends
made the decision to do it all together. Not for 30 days, but for 60. Hats off
to these people. They don't have autoimmune diseases. They don't struggle
mentally with food like I do. They just do it because they are awesome. And
supportive. And say yes before they actually think about what they are saying
yes to. This is a win for me most of time.
As soon as I made the decision to do
it again, though, something happened inside my brain. I remembered all of the
other times I had failed. And how the way I thought about myself and food was
so skewed and how the idea of restricting certain types of foods drove me to a downward
spiral of disgustingness. Honestly, I would've quit before I started. But then
I remembered. I had asked EVERYONE ELSE I KNOW to do it too. And they had
committed. I felt trapped. And terrified. And like I had failed before I even
had time to start.
I prayed and asked God to get me out
of this situation I had created for myself. And He didn't. For some ridiculous
reason the people who were doing it with me were excited. FOR THE LOVE! Okay.
So I wasn't going to get out of it. Something else had to change then. I sought
out God. I begged him to take over my mind and my choices and my desires in
this. I asked for Him to help me to choose the best for me and not to give in
just because I'm tempted by anything other than the best. And I asked Him to renew
my mind, because, honestly it had tried to do it myself and sucked at that too.
I also decided that I would start fasting on Mondays. And give my week to God
(a discipline that is SO GOOD, but neglected so often because it's hard. Or
annoying).
You guys know what? The first day
came. And it was my fasting day. And I constantly was thanking God and asking
Him to remind me of my choices. And how I felt when I chose foods that don't
love my body. And then the second day happened. And I chose the whole30 every
hour of that day. And so did my friends. Same with day 3. And 4. And 5. Pretty
soon, we were past the headaches and flu like symptoms and bad attitudes. And
more time went by. And we continued to choose to whole30 foods. And I thanked
God at the end of every day because, you guys, He is the reason I want to
choose the best for me!
And so here we are. Day 31. And you
know what? I have learned SO FREAKING MUCH! And here it is...
1. Don't step on the scale even on
day 31. Screw the scale actually. I did it anyway. And I had lost 7 pounds. You
guys. I was disappointed. I thought for sure I should've lost 10 or 20 pounds
easy. I know how ridiculous I am. And that dumb scale reminded me of the days
(actually just a short 30 days ago) when I stepped on the scale every morning.
And after workouts. And sometimes in the evenings. And how I allowed that
number to rule my life. And my joy. It's gross. And these last four weeks
without that terrible day ruiner in my life have been so much more joyous. And
I lie down at night and thank God for another day of choosing my best in the
food department. And for His help.
2. My thoughts have changed. There's
no way I would bash the scale in the olden days (ahem...30 days ago). I haven't
changed them, though. I do remind myself at times, when I feel defeated or
frustrated with my body or food or whatever, that I've chosen well. Guilt has
no place in me. And then I remember to thank God for the help. And then I
remember to thank God for all of the other things in the world that I'm
thankful for. AND YOU KNOW WHAT?!? When I take the focus off of myself and
place it on who God is...God changes me! He changes my habits of thinking. I
haven't focused on my thighs. Or my stomach. Or my arms. Or whatever. Because I
have chosen to focus on who He is! And what He is doing in my head. YOU GUYS!
If you knew my past or if you are a person who has struggled with disordered
eating or the negative and harmful behaviors that come from it or a negative
view of your body, YOU UNDERSTAND how huge this is.
3. My body is a machine, y'all.
Honestly. For most of the whole30 I haven't felt any magical thing happen with
how my body feels. And it has been frustrating to wake up and still know that
there are things I can't do right now because my body sucks so much health
wise. But these last couple of days...oh man. I have felt stronger. And faster.
And in less pain than any other time since being diagnosed. It makes me so excited
for the next 30 days. And for what life could look like even after that.
And it makes me realize that God
really does have a best for us. When thinking about the diseases that trash my
body at times and then thinking about how just a little bit of discipline and a
lot of getting closer to God has given me freedom in a way I never thought
possible, I get so excited.
And for the first time in literally
forever, I am more focused on choosing life and joy and God and real food than
I am on my body and how I feel about myself and my insecurities and the
behaviors that come from that line of thinking. This is so huge you guys. I
can't even.
And I can honestly say, even though
I have never been able to before truthfully, that I am choosing God and all of
the things that have happened throughout this last month than losing weight and
inches.
That's God you guys.
