So here I am doing something I said that I would never do.
WRITING. AND IN A BLOG, NONETHELESS!
I feel like because it's something that I told people would never happen, I should explain myself.
A little over a year ago my then 7 year old daughter got the call that we had all been waiting for. A call that would honestly change our lives as we knew it. A call that said that we needed to drop whatever we were doing and drive to Minneapolis, MN for my daughter's kidney and liver transplant. Because of that incident, I started writing. It started by updating all of my friends and family on a Facebook/Caring Bridge page. And as I wrote the updates, I realized that I wanted to write more. I honestly don't know why, but it felt like such an honest and raw way to express myself (mostly because I forgot that there were people who actually read it, bless their hearts).
Time went by in Minneapolis (1 day shy of 5 months to be exact, but who's counting) and I wrote more and more. God continued to teach me incredible things about circumstances and what joy and peace and love look like. I think that those 5 months brought me closer to God than any other experience I can think of. There is something really special about realizing our need for God every single day. And then seeing it also written out.
After those 5 months were over and we transitioned back into life in Iowa City, the super insane desire to write about life and God and all of the things I was still learning wasn't going away. I made sure to update my daughter, Lanie's page at least once a month or if something significant happened, but there was a huge piece of me that still really missed writing. And honestly, the last updates that I wrote seemed to be way more about my scattered and insane thoughts than her health (because umm...God continues to heal her everyday and she is literally doing AMAZING!!). This is me...blown away by his goodness!
But also, because there is less and less to update on concerning her health, and because I still feel the need to write; this is what is happening. A blog. You should have heard the conversation leading up to today between my sweet, but also annoying because sometimes he is right, husband and myself.
Me: I miss writing. Like a lot. It's weird, right? Of course it's weird. I don't really write. But I miss it. What is wrong with me?!? (I've been told that at times I can be dramatic)
Luke: You should write.
Me: Are you crazy?! Where would I write? I can't really use Lanie's page as a platform to talk about things in my head and heart that don't always make sense. This is silly. Why am I even thinking about it. Probably because I'm just talking and not thinking and when I talk I just say stuff.
Luke: I mean it. Write. You should do it.
Me: Gaaaah. I can't! No one will even care and I don't know the first thing about it and I feel dumb...and...and ...and (I'm sure the excuses went on for a while)
Luke: Why do you want to write?
Me: I don't know. I just really miss it. I feel free and like, understood. Because I don't express myself well when I'm talking. I just want to I guess.
Luke: So...write. Just do it.
Guys are so easy.
Also, I learned from the conversation (mostly from my own talking because he offered like 10 words max, which in some way was still so stinkin helpful it's annoying) that if I missed writing and liked writing...I guess I should just write.
And here we are. A blog.
So, really, all of this was to say - in apparently the most dramatic way possible - that I miss writing and so I'm going to continue to do it.
And if nothing ever comes out of it other than God teaching me to process things using words on a screen in front of me . . . Fabulous. I can totally live with that.
